Eros and Homelessness=> The Craving for Love Emergent from Roughly Sleeping

 I am, perforce of avowal and perforce of 'girl hormones' that take away 'the only thing re which men are interested' (sex, the women say), not excessively interested in 'gender-ing' with anyone; the-girls from this vow I deem rather TOO HOLY for my romance, and the-men simply do not attract my attention in usual ways at-all. My position and stance with regard to my transgenderedF status is over-largely a matter of REPENTANCE, and the clothing I almost always wear (dresses of some length, showing minimal flesh) consists of what I want to show that

I HAVE FAILED AT MAN HOOD, FROM 2009 I HAVE FAILED AT BEING A MAN, AND SOLELY IDENTIFY WITH THE BELOVED GENDER TO WHICH/WHOM I AM WITH UTTER RESTRICTION DEDICATED.

Nevertheless, I 'get it' erotically from both men (typically in the ShelterWorld in which I dwell) as well as from woman-kind. In all these 'warm exchanges,' I try courteously the 'shrug' the approaches away, but I notice MORE FLIRTS of this sort now that I am close-to-street-living, and feel to a certain surety that SOMETHING ABOUT HOMELESSNESS breeds a desire to affiliate, yes hetero-ways and homosexually. 

It is seemingly ANIMAL, but it looks as though un-attached women will 'warm' more easily to bond with men than in otherwise 'being rooved over one's head.' I get some of that from women, which I try to pass-off with sweet compliments and 'finesse'=> it looks, most of the time, that the fems who 'talk nice' to me REALLY ASSUME THAT I AM A WOMAN-- which to a real degree of attitude-feminist and conduced hormonal personality-change IS TRUE, BUT WHICH BY ME IS RATHER POSTPONED  OR INDEFINITELY-DELAYED. The 'stain' of the sin from which I try to shy romance

(which is it, the romance, is it a 'cross-dresser's binary, OR a lesbian's non-binary love?)

but the impression with me is that, of both genders, the mood is 'existential,' with a yen as 'paleolithic' to shelter with someone, most often the orientation being for hetero bonding. This is QUICKLY COMMENCED after one is confronted, in solitary mode, with a condition that looks like needing-to-camp, to live as an Adam for Eve, Eve for Adam, in the unholy and ever-unwanted Eden at the mercy of TheCops and TheWeather and TheOthers (all of which are 'weaponized' in their own ways). Chaos in the camping-mode can get the homeless person shot, killed, sick, arrested, and OVERALL SCORNED.

The men who 'hit' me in this way as well do not always, yes even do not usually, seem to assume that I have the genetalia of man-hood (my reminder of the Sin-Again that has been voided by the Alt-Identification). No matter, pretty obviously even when men come on to me with some solid awareness that I am transgendered, the men are palpably more libidinal in demeanor, the glance as never before especially in this case is HOT, with sometime and jilted effort to embrace me, hold hands, or whatever. I think I COULD FIND A PARTNER under such situational factors, but in either case, for men for women, I SHALL HOLD OFF WITH THE RESERVE OF ONE WHOSE SHAME IS THAT VIA GENDERING, I HAVE LOVED TOO TOO TOO, BY WHICH I HAVE FRIGHTENED, YES TERRIFIED MY THEN-BELOVED;

As this day, with cheer for TheQueen Who Hid in Egypt, this-day Latinate at St. Martin of Tours in the EastDowntown this day-- St. Mary the Matriarch's Holy Day-- for which I do now profess 

what I see, that homelessness is highly conducive to elevated Eros in both men and women; even my own stance (not exactly celibacy, but nearly-so as waiting for a said-to-be impossible TotallyOKness) is affected by the not infrequent 'moves' made on me by men, and yes sometime wombed fems (in either case 'the usual' regard me as fem).

I think this observation, that something existential makes the erotic potential of those living 'rough,' close to 'paleo,' want to seek partnership. It looks as though women in some evidence will seek out men, e.g. showing by their 'making-out'/necking with men in sweaty and febrile-hot atmospherics, their sunburnt bodies speaking to a brutal sunshine's poetry when as love 'the voice of the (snapping) turtle is heard in the land' (paraphrase of Song of Songs 2.12).

I hold out=> something about my terribleness of challenge for decent bed and pillowed sleep TELLS ME TO BE BRAVE, THAT FOR EVIL I AM PUNISHED, PERHAPS BEING PUNILSHED UNSPOKENLY FOR BEING WOMAN-LY, YES I NEED BE BRAVE METHINKS, I NEED TO BRAVE THIS OUT. . .

with such penitence, then. I am Nazarite/Nazarene, wearing the traditional habit of  Western Woman, the dress, the dress, the dress, prolonging my 'mane'/hairstyle toward the conidition where there ever will have been LIBERTY AND JUSTICE FOR ALL; 

. . .Our Bible's Job show us that TheDevil can work evil in order that the imperfect Servants of Jahweh may become perfect; God spoke from the WhirlWilnd, I now have a pillowless bed rather toward sky and above asphalt/concrete, yes the Devil handed it to me, but GodWhoLoves let him do so so that I might love the more

such that on St. Queen Mary BVM day August 15, with St. Martin of Tours, in the calling-out Ekklesia, i am

called to experience nudely ("Nudus nudum Christum sequi," saith Jerome) the sky and the bones of earth PENITENTIALLY

for against WomanKind I have sinned; my 'habit' the simple dress of the traditional Western Woman speaks that I REPENT; OF THAT MAN HOOD WHICH MADE MAKES WOMAN FEAR ME, I REPENT;

but in alt I speak too of THE EROTIC QUALITY OF BEING HOMELESS, THE DESIRE TO BE ADAM2EVE, EVE2ADAM;

I SPEAK THEN OF MATRIARCHY, OF VIRGINS AND MAGDALENES

ON THIS DAY, THE ASSUMPTION OF MARY, MOM OF THE ONE WITHOUT PILLOW TO LAY HIS HOLY HEAD. . .

I had better, then, suffer in solitude this deemed-curse of bedless-near-certainty, in order to feel my brunt of unworthy man that had been me, toward then TheWoman, TheMatriarchy:

THIS IS AN IMPORTANT DAY, A SIGNAL-DAY, TO SAY WHAT I SAY HERE=> ON THIS DAY, A SUNDAY WHICH AT ST. MARTIN'S OF TOURS HERE IN LOUISVILLE, ST. MARY (BVM) ASSUMES A REGENCY AS THE QUEEN OF HEAVEN; 

MOTHER MOTHER I PRAY THAT THE STAIN OF MY TESTOSTERONE'S MANHOOD MAKE ME A CHILDLESS CRONE AND A SUBSERVANT OF THE VIRGINS AND THE MAGDALENES TO RULE NEW WORLD;

here in me, then, my bewitched man hood and my Eros unite PENITENTIALLY. . .